she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
