Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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