I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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