That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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