they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
