you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
