Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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