its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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