Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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