I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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