My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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