i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
