he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
