You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
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If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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