we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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