I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
