I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize