Umm I'm too high to move.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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