I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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