my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
