Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have so many feelings about this burrito
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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