maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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