I wish I could teleport
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
