I puked a lego.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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