I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
