I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
