I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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