well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
