I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
