I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
