I think im going to throw up on grandma
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
