I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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