You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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