Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
