Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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