Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
