I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it's like iHOP with fire
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
