Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
