Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
