I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
