I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
