he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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