walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize
