how can u be prego again
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
