he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
