By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
