Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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