if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he puts the penis in happiness.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
