did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
