ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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