he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
