You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
