threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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