I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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