everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
