Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
