If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
