I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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