Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
