My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
