bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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