I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i wish my penis had a tongue
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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