my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
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you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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