There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
