How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Houston, we have a blender
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
