remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
