addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
