sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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