I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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