he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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