Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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