3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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