I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
