you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
