He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
