he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
