I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
