My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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