He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
