I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I bet he comes in French.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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