Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize