I am spending my child support on dildos
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
