How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.