i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that