Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
