I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.