either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.