if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS