sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.