I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Is it because I queefed?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
