The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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