Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
