the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
