I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
