The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
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Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
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When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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