idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
